This was me, 2023

 I entered the year with one single thought screaming though my brain like a man on fire: "I HOPE TO ALL THE GODS THAT THIS'LL BE THE YEAR WHEN THINGS DON'T GO TO SHIT. PLEASE AND THANK YOU."

...well. I'm not dead. So I'll say that's a win at least.
Whatever. Lets get down to business.

   We mourn the loss of the incredible Sinéad O'Connor, Tom Wilkinson, Andre Braugher, Tina Turner, Ryan Siew, and Barry Humphries. Thank you, you'll be missed and you'll be remembered.

   As for the rest of this Year Review I'm going to keep it short and sweet because this year has been somewhat of a mental car crash with some glitter sprinkled on top to make it look appetising.

Two gingers in a mirror

   During the best annual bookworm event, Bokrea (book sale), a total of six new friends joined the ranks of the home library. However, because of how the economy seems set to starve us of everything beyond the bare basics of surviving, these literary friends are very nearly the only books I've managed to aquire this year. However, since I haven't had time to read as much as during the 'Rona Years this might actually be a good thing - it forces me to read what I've already accumulated.
   This doesn't at all mean I haven't treated myself to experiences that'll take my mind off of how terrible the world is.

   Henry Rollins was punk rock personafied when I saw him perform his spoken word show, but sadly, Dylan Moran lived up to the Drunk Irishman prejudice.

   2023 was the year of me experiencing a wide array of my favourite bands; Faun, Raised Fist, Electric Cowboy, Mimikry, Ice Nine Kills, LOK, Perkele, Fit For An Autopsy and Whitechapel were all guests of my wonderfully ugly home town of Göteborg. For the first time since 2019 I was finally feeling physically safe enough to travel which meant that I not only went abroad but also went to my first ever music festival - GRASPOP. It was huge. And amazing. And fantastic.

   For Midsummer my best friend threw a Hobbit Party, and what a party it was! We ate ourselves rotund, played games and laughed all the while enjoying each others nerdy costumes. As for all other national holidays, and my birthday, they were nothing out of the ordinary. Still hate Krimmus.

   This year I've ended unsatisfactory relationships and made way on other, hopefully more felicitous ones. I've discovered more about myself in relation to others and taken a hit or two to the heart along the way. Honest communication and expressing my needs have been both supressed and forcefully unearthed themes that'll have to live with me and seriously develop further in the next coming year.

 
Best of 2023 experiences:

Movies: I haven't been to the cimena even once this year but I've paid through the nose for several streaming services and so I hereby give you my favourite discoveries - Bullet Train, and The Gentlemen.
Shows: "Last of Us" has had me gasping all year. Pedro Pascal is a treasure.

Books: I read 53 books during 2023 and managed my goal of reading more litarature by non-male authors than the other way around. I was gifted "Legends & Lattes" by Travis Baldree for Krimmus last year and the story was so sweet and tender and just lovely. "The Girl With All the Gifts" by M.R. Carey had me reading at all hours of the day in anticipation for what was going to happen next. I continued the Between Earth and Sky series by Rebecca Roanhorse with "Fevered Star" and I loved it. I was absolutely in awe of Brian McClellans "Sins of Empire". The continuation of Wayfarers; "A Closed and Common Orbit" by Becky Chambers was fantastic and by the end a real tear-jerker.

Events: I've drastically upped my amount of social interactions; parties, concerts, dates, several beer festivals, Graspop, the Midsummer Hobbit Party, a book expo, all the while also managing to consistently work out. I bettered my personal best time running a 5k and feel stronger than I've felt since I was in my early twenties.

My hopes for 2024 are legion,

but I would like it if things just worked out.

Here's to you, 2022

   Fuckin' hell mate... I don't post here nearly as much as I used to since being able to let off steam on so many other platforms, but I kinda miss it to be honest. An opportunity to rave and rant a bit without having to assault my friends with all of it.
   However, The Year Review is one of the few cinsistently remaining posts of the blog and so also this year. Here we go!

 

   Our Honoured Dead this year: The absolutely extraordinary Sidney Poitier passed. Rock legend Meat Loaf Aday left us. Ivan Reitman. Bernard Cribbins. The groundbreaking Nichelle Nichols. Our wonderful Angela Lansbury. Robbie Coltrane. Leslie Jordan was a shocker.
   Rest In Power and may you never be forgotten. Thank you.

   2022 started much the same way as 2021 - 'Rona did another victory lap around the globe and in it's wake parties, concerts, and shows got cancelled or postponed.  I was going to go see Henry Rollins together with a very good friend of mine, but no - cancelled. Amaranthe was supposed to play in February but postponed until November and by then I couldn't see them due to double-booking. As I Lay Dying cancelled their whole Europe Tour.

   February was holiday time for me, during which everything seemed to happen all at once; it was another end of covid restrictions, I tried new things (bouldering is fun!), parties returning (damned good fun), Galentine happening (damned good food with damned good company)...
   After that it was booster shot time - cue living with an arm for two days that felt like it'd been in a serious fist fight without the rest of me. Good times.
   Then came more "good times" (sarcasm y'all) with that psycopathic Russian trying to "take back"(?!) Ukraine by late February. Like I said: everything all at once. I'm so fucking DONE with humanity I'm almost hoping for a catastophic nuclear event to wipe us out completely - this planet will be better off without us, believe you me.

   So I donated blood to give at least something to someone.

   The sun started coming out properly by March and I felt like Wall-E soaking it in for energy. Which led to a lot of socialising, and unusual amounts of spontaneity. For instance: I wasn't planning on going to see Eivor live, but when I realised that hers was a concert I could actually attend I went for it like a dog after a rabbit. Her voice is fucking breathtaking.
   Having forgotten all the inconvenience that comes with romantic feelings I was also just about bouncing in my seat to get out there and meet more people, and I think I've been doing ok to be honest. 

   Starting off the first historical market season in two years was Ale Viking Market which I attended with gusto. A few hours was enough though, because people... people be people-ing.

   Russell Howard - a show for which I bought tickets in FUCKING 2019(!!!) and so by May 2022 the whole thing had already been on Netflix for nearly six months. My friend and I were livid, but weren't ready to just do a no-show when we had tickets. Russell's funny and my face hurt afterwards, but I'm still not sure it was worth the wait.

   Between May and when I finally went on holiday in July, I worked my ass off and had time for little else but schooling my new collegues in how not to piss me off. Wilful and strategic ignorance will always grind my gears, which was something they learned very quickly. And harshly. I'm not known to mince words.

   But in between my angry outbursts a friend dragged me along to the Medieval Days at Bohus Fästning just so I could run around and happily play dress-up for a while.

   My four week holiday kicked off with a Rammstein concert, holy hell. Yet another last second decision that, while I love Rammstein's music, it made me realise that huge arena concerts isn't my thing. Give me the smaller venues any day. We couldn't see shit from where we were standing and people in general are assholes. Another solid case of People Be People-ing.

   My first Medieval Week since 2019 brought me good friends, good ale and... COVID. Yeah. Stayed safe for over 2,5 years only to catch a light version while on friggin' holiday. However, my gastritis certainly didn't like being exposed to first massive amounts of alcohol and then antipyretics which meant I had to deal with that particular pain for a while. 
  But then it evened out a bit and I got to actually enjoy a week of holiday with my nearest and dearest.

   Back in 2018 I was furious with elections results but holy shiet...  This time WE ARE DOOMED. I mean, are you kidding me? Over a fifth of all voting Swedes chose to vote for literal nazis?! Fuck right the hell off. Ugh. There are no words for this kind of stupidity.

   Birfday #34 shortly after was a real treat though. Celebrate all the good things in style. 

   LEVELLERS YAY! Third time's the charm, they say. Amaranthe played another venue on the very same night but since I KNOW Levellers to be a good party I went with that. And I was right. A good night with good people.

   And then... Krimmus. Ugh.
   You should know by now how much I hate X-Mas. So I tried to do things a little differently this year: I spent one day with family, one day gaming with a very dear friend and then a one day absolutely decked out with a cold. Ok, so the cold was old hat, but gaming is new!

   New Year's Eve was spent as tradition required of me: with a glass of bubbly neck deep in a tub of bubbles. I've been doing this since 2018, but this year marked the first year since 2016 that I had any kind of company other than my furry ginger flat mate. I had a bath, and he had a post dinner nap (my human company, not the cat).

Best of 2022 experiences:

Movies: The Adam Project was a true Ryan Reynolds movie - tight, not too intellectually taxing and a good ride. I liked it a lot. I finally caved in and started leeching off of a friend's Disney+ and watched Encanto - it's quite lovely y'all. Don't Worry Darling with Florence Pugh was quite... disturbing... but chillingly engrossing.
Shows: Lets see, lets see... PEACEMAKER. Wow. So much better than I expected it to be. I want to put The Magnus Archives here as well, despite it being a mix between a podcast and an audiobook. An audio show, and quite brilliant at that. Stranger Things, OBVIOUSLY because friggin' awesomeness. HOLY SHIT, MOTHER OF FUCK - season 3 of The Boys! Season 3 of The Umbrella Academy was far superior to season 2. Aaaand, finally, the first Marvel show I've enjoyed since Daredevil; Hawkeye. *chef's kiss* Loki was ok too I guess.
Literature: As previous covid years, this year has gifted me many a literary experience, though because I could finally hang out with my people I "only" went through 75 books this year. I was enthralled entirely by 'The Testaments' by Margaret Atwood. 'The Fifth Season' by N.K. Jemisin was extraordinary. "The Past Is Red" by Catherynne M. Valente was an engulfing read. Someone handed me a copy of 'Daggerspell' by Katharine Kerr to read and WOAH did I enjoy it. Black Sun by Rebecca Roanhorse was bloody brilliant - exceptional - FANTASTIC. Sir Terry Pratchett's 'I Shall Wear Midnight' was equal parts sweet and brilliant, and 'The Blacksmith Queen' by G.A. Aiken was a silly romp. Recommended, all of them.
Events: I made some crazy good food y'all! Though I've never been a party gal I've enjoyed more than a few decadent parties during the year. I persistently tried building relationships in new ways to find a way working for me. I can't say I've found My Way yet, but I've also yet to give up. As a human species we've managed to grow food in lunar soil, instal enought solar panels to be able to power all of Europe and we've eaten more plant-based foods than ever before. Also we've finally mapped the entire humane genome and may have found a cure to most common cancers. There's hope for us yet.

I made my girlfriend a Chocolate Death cake
and she loved it.

   I'm grateful for the people I've met during 2022. I'm grateful for the things I've dared say yes to. I'm grateful for the changes I've been forced to make. I'm proud that I've made efforts to maintain friendships and relationships during 2022. I'm proud that I've dared open up to people and let them in despite being absolutely terrified. On a personal level, I'm hopeful for 2023 and looking forward to breaking through new walls.

   However! 2022 was also yet another sickening roller-coaster I can't wait to get off. Though I've had some emotional positive highs, them lows were real gut-punchers that left me gasping for breath (remember: literal nazi's in government). SO FUCK YOU 2022.

   Am now expecting nothing less than earthquakes, flash floods, vulcano eruptions, several cyclons and actual nuclear fallout in 2023. Will honestly be disappointed by anything less. But we've proved to be a sturdy bunch us humans, though we might break apart a little now and then. We've survived this far.
Bring it, Universe 💜 

Bubbly in Bubbles is the stuff. 

Save us 2021...

   ...you're our only hope.

   I'm not the first to admit that 2021 didn't have much competition from its most recent predecessor. The bar was set so low... and yet... here we are at the end of 2021 and what happened to that bar? Well, for the first six months of the year we certainly didn't go to any bars. (Well. I sure didn't. Because I'm not an unempathetic asshole.)

   Not wholly unexpected, we lost a few important people, such as Christopher Plummer and Helen McCrory. The legendary Richard Donner. The passing of Una Stubbs hit me hard. Ed Asner. Michael K. Williams - fucking hell, only 54 years old he was. Speaking of passing away way too young; Keiko Nobumoto. And then the very much problematic but nonetheless legendary Anne Rice moved on. As did the feminist icon bell hooks. BETTY WHITE ❤️  

   Thank you for all the good things you've given us.

• 
  

  Perdibird at Kryptonite made it pretty

     My intense series of tattoo sessions continued in January, carrying on work on another HHGttG tribute on mah butt. Well. It's on my hip out towards my butt... In February I let another artist at the same studio go crazy on my ribs. And again to finish the rib piece in April.

•    In May I had another two sessions booked - at first one more in Gothenburg to finish up that butt tattoo and then I went on an adventure down to Halmstad, just down the coast from my beloved city to start the painful process of getting my stomach decorated with something pretty.

   I feel like I might have officially gone from A Person with Tattoos to A Tattooed Person. A small but significant development by my standards.

   I like it.

•    By April I had already unlocked the achievement "10k in under 70min" I had presented as a challenge to myself at the start of the year; by which I mean that I actually ran 10 km in under 70 minutes. 64:30 to be more exact, which was way better than I'd hoped for for the first time I ever managed to actually run 10k.

   Believe me, I was as astonished as anyone.

   Surprisingly, I also went on a few careful dates with (unsurprisingly) varying results, but no results anywhere near the butterflies and pink goggles variety.

•    June was terrible. Thoroughly.

   People all around seemed to think covid was over just because restrictions were starting to get rolled back. People really are staggeringly fucking stupid, but I finally got that much wanted first vaccination shot in July - go me! and got nothing more negative than some headache and an arm that felt like it'd been through a fistfight all on its own without involvement from any other part of me.

• 

  Piece done at Bishop's Electric Tattooing

     By August I was exhausted and needed a week of being on holiday just to get the hang of being on holiday. August was also the month of not going to the Medieval Week because covid sure had a field day with the tourists on Gotland right about then (as it turns out the Medieval Week, funnily enough, was entirely spared the covid plague which goes to show history nerds learn from the past). So I didn't dare go and stayed on the west coast (Best Coast) for the most part, but also went up to the Capital for a bit to visit friends. Back on the west coast (Best Coast) I went to a few heavily restricted parties, read books, visited museums, finished my stomach piece, got stabbed in the arm a second time and was thrilled nonetheless. 

Halloween party like it's 1921!

   September was birthday month! 

   I'm finally a Hobbit of age!

   33 years old and still kicking.

   Woop!

•    Covid restrictions were completely lifted in September and while I stayed cautious I need to collect my nerds around me, so I started doing just that more and more.

   Autumn was strange and flew by in a blur while I tried dating again and I still think dating is the weirdest thing. Social anxiety just adds another spicy layer to everything, amirite? However, cinemas were opening up again which meant that I could finally dive back into the Marvel universes, and boy! Them universes be wild!

   December was as awful as always.

My dislike for Krimmus lives on unmoved.

And then Covid restrictions were reinstated.

   But I persevered. Until I couldn't. I was completely decked over the New Year celebrations. No covid, just the common cold, but it was my body's response to having been too busy for too long. 

Best of the year:

Movies: Because of covid I didn't get the opportunity to see 'Just Mercy' in theatres in 2020 but I caught it on HBO the second it landed there and holy shit I wish I'd seen it in theatres - SO GOOD. Once cinemas re-opened I watched 'Dune' and didn't even manage to finish my drink because I was so enthralled by the film. 'The Harder They Fall' was a Netflix premiere and it was AWESOME. The MCU delivered us 'Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings' and then 'Spiderman: No Way Home'.

Shows: I giddily discovered Letterkenny and The Rookie this year. The new seasons of The Handmaid's Tale and The Boys were a bit of a letdown though, while Fleabag was sweetly sorrowful, but also hilarious - a genuine recommendation.

Books: I've had a number of fantastic reading experiences this year. Continuing on the Newsflesh series with 'Feedback' by Mira Grant was a worthy ride, let me tell you. 'Monstrous Regiment' and 'Going Postal' by Terry Pratchett were fantastic. 'The Bear and the Nightingale' by Katherine Arden was lovely. I made time to re-read 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' and for the duration of the first three books it's still the most hilarious stuff; beautiful nostalgia all round... just don't ruin your Guide experience by reading the rest of the series. Please? 'Cry Pilot' by Joel Dane was a 5 star-experience, as was 'The Starless Sea' by Erin Morgenstern. I adoooored 'The Vanished Birds' by Simon Jimenez. 'Karen Memory' by Elizabeth Bear and 'Queen of the Tearling' by Erika Johansen were both deep in the land of 5 stars. The classic tale by R.L. Stevenson about the duality of man; 'The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde' is brilliant, and I was equal parts mesmerised and fucked up by 'The Echo Wife' by the amazing Sarah Gailey. I ended the year with the fantastic 'The Hollow Places' by T. Kingfisher and 'All Systems Red' by Martha Wells - both gifted to me by my best friends (oh, how I love you).

Events: Tattoo bonanza! Vaccination time! My ginger flat mate have learnt to put up with forehead kisses! The River Thames is no longer considered biologically dead! Experiments to neutralise nuclear contamination has been proven successful within the radioactive exclusion zone in Chernobyl. NASA has created oxygen on Mars which takes us one step closer to be able to bunch all narcissistic billionaires together and shoot them into space to exile them on Mars... humanely.

   The question remains; what happened to that low bar we set for 2021? I'd dare say that it got even lower for my faith in humanity. I know I said it last year as well, but people suck. I shouldn't expect anything good coming out of people with the past years' experiences to judge from, yet I persevere persistently to expect some basic human decency and receiving none of the sort. I am an idiot.

   But an idealistic leftist idiot I will remain. There is nothing else to it. I have no other choice.

   Next year is fucking election year and I already know deep within my bones that it's going to be beyond terrible. This fact obviously makes it even more important to gather my nerds around me and make good memories - long hugs, lots of kisses, grand movie experiences, delicious foods, nectarous drinks, hypnotising books...

   And guys, we survived 2021. I spoke to strangers. Those were my goals for this year and I made it.

We made it. We lived.

Maybe that's enough.

Hindsight is 20/20...(?)

   We hear it all the time; that "Hindsight is 20/20" and it might be. It is only once we've stepped out of the past that we can look back and clearly see what we've left behind.
   So what are we leaving behind this year?

   First of all; we lost Christopher Tolkien, so the year started off quite poorly. Then there was Mike Resnick. And then Terry Jones. And Max von Sydow. Albert Uderzo. Then came the news of Sir Ian Holm's passing and every Ringer on the planet must have shed a tear or two. The musical genius Ennio Morricone passed on. Chadwick Boseman was ripped away from us way too young. Diana Rigg. Terry Goodkind. Ruth Bader Ginsburg. David Prowse. Jeremy Bulloch. Thank you for everything.

   As for me, I've had a... year. I know I called 2019 an "extra bitch" but holy hell... 2020 didn't have to go so hard. Was it revenge for having had a too good a time? Did I do too well in late 2019? Was I too happy? Was that the issue? Did I jinx it? All I know is that some stuff and things happened:

Some raised fists for Raised Fist at Pustervik


• I went to some really fancy parties in January and February - oodles of glamour, debauchery and rose-tinted glasses.

• Watching Dropkick Murphy's was a wild experience after which I had happy bruises.
• Imminence and Raised Fist was insanely good, I shit you not I think I had a religious experience.

• Enter: Covid-fucking-19. What a shitshow.

What's there to say? 

   Everything was cancelled or postponed. Life was put on hold. Feelings were held back only to explode uselessly into empty air.

    I would have gone to see Russell Howard, but that was pushed to 2021. I would have gone to experience Amaranthe, but that's now been pushed to the spring of 2022. The plan was to party all night long all through The Medieval Week, but as the crisis worsened in April I gave up on that... and then came the physical festival's cancellation announcement just shortly after; instead launching "the Medieval Week: Plague Edition" - an entirely digital festival I didn't spend more than perhaps ten conscious minutes on.

I was isolated. I was heart-broken. I sunbathed.

   The Faun concert I was going to use as a mental band-aid after not going to The Medieval Week was pushed forward a year. My second Imminence concert for the year was cancelled. 

• My skinny ginger flat mate turned 8 years old. He is officially middle-aged, and seem to be getting more and more snuggly with age.
• I turned 32, and as good as it feels to survive another year, them years are fucking getting to me.
• I started going to parties again in September. Meeting people, having fun...

   ...as it turns out so did everyone else, but on a much larger and intimate scale than I, so covid-19 really started to pick up speed and numbers again. Back into social isolation we went. Or at least some of us did. On top of all of this, the rotten cherry on the poop sundae that was 2020; smashing through the door came the X-Mas madness like the unwanted bastard it is. Instead of thinking too hard on what I couldn't do I finally started making good use of my time and so December was the start of a string of monthly tattoo sessions starting with a sperm whale and petunias.

Best of 2020:
   Movies: Jojo Rabbit, Portrait of a Lady on Fire, aaaaaand then there was covid-19 that shut down any and all cinema-going from March and onwards.

   Shows: FEMINIST FREQUENCY RADIO - GO LISTEN WITH YOUR PREFERRED PODCATCHER. The Witcher. I mean, COME ON ❤. I Am Not OK With This was kinda awesome. Killing Eve's third season left me quite disappointed to be honest, but the second season of What We Do In the Shadows made up for that. The Great was fuckin' hilarious. The Umbrella Academy season 2 was mindblowing. Every other episode of Lovecraft Country sent my mind spiralling. His Dark Materials.
   Books: I read 90 books during 2020, and this time around 40 of them were not written by cis men - a vast improvement from last year (but I can do better). Dmitry Glukhovsky's 'Metro 2034' was almost as good as the first book of the series (which is very). 'Chrysalids' by John Wyndham is a "Best of Scifi classics" I can get behind. Stina Wollter's 'Kring Denna Kropp' was frikkin fantastic. 'The Truth' and 'Night Watch' by Terry Pratchett were both hilarious and thought-worthy. 'Way Station' by Clifford D. Simak was good. 2020 marked my third reread of 'Lighthousekeeping' by Jeanette Winterson (still awesome). Continuing the 'Newsflesh' series by Mira Grant with 'Blackout' and it's still going strong. 'Moon Over Soho' and 'Whispers Underground' by Ben Aaronovitch, 'Creatures of Will & Temper' by Molly Tanzer, 'Horns' by Joe Hill were all great reads. Brent Week's 'The Black Prism' was a solid 5-star all the way through. If you, like me, loooove Aliens you should read 'Bug Hunt'  - an anthology edited by Jonathan Maberry. A worthy finish to a good book year was 'Women's War' by Jenna Glass.

   Comics: Spells on Wheels by Kate Leth, Saga vol 4, Skottie Young's Deadpool series, Matt Fraction's Hawkeye, SF SX (Safe Sex) by Tina Horn.
   Events: RAISED FIST. Yes. I'm adding that. When the rest of the year was misery, my early spring was fantastic enough, and that Raised Fist concert will for ever be my best thing about 2020. It's also pretty awesome how archaeological digs through Sweden in the last couple of years will force us to rewrite our history books concerning basically everything we're taught in school about those pesky little years between round about 700 to 1300 AD (hint: the east coast and Birka wasn't nearly as important as the historians of Stockholm would have us believe...). As for the rest of the world's good news; efforts to regrow parts of the Great Barrier Reef has seen great successes. The bees living on the roof of Notre-Dame de Paris survived the fire of last year and has thrived through the pandemic, just like a lot of other species of animal around the globe enjoyed the greatly decreased tourism flow. New European legislation will make it easier to have household appliance products repaired in an effort to make appliances longer-lasting and thereby saving on energy costs. With the dismantling of more coal-based power production, carbon emissions continue to decline in Europe. Human ingenuity created a bunch of different vaccines to combat this latest pandemic in record time.

So that's good I guess.

Is hindsight 20/20? Nope. We've learned fuck all as a species in 2020, which is about as much as we've learned every other time a pandemic has threatened to wipe out great masses of people. The sick, the poor and the marginalised will always take the brunt of the blow.
   People are truly stupid.

   2020 was a shit year.

   For next year I just want no more of 2020, and fewer things to bite me in the ass, please and thank you. But this newfound willingness to reach out to strangers can stay. Even if it started in pure desperation it might prove to be useful in 2021.

   So lets bring it. Lets survive. Lets get fuckin' vaccinated and rid of this thing.

Man, that bitch 2019 was extra

What a roller-coaster. Fucking hell.

During 2019 we lost Tardar Sauce - the One and Only Grumpy Cat. We also mourn the passing of Peter Mayhew, the ONLY good thing about Blade Runner - Rutger Hauer, Toni Morrison, Godfrey Gao and Marie Fredriksson.

So what happened in my life during 2019? Well...

• I cut my hair again. Shorter than ever. Finally found a hairdresser that gets me.
• I saw Dylan Moran again together with my very best bestie.
• I bought 18 new books during the Big Book Sale... It's not a hoarding problem if the shelves don't buckle under the weight...
• I can happily inform you that Dara O'Briain is still hilarious.
• Had my backpiece finished with a brutal 6 hour(!!) sitting. (...and then an additional hour or so for more detail...)
• My ginger room-mate Sengir turned 7 years old.
• The White Buffalo was a great experience.
• I went to Berlin(!) to see Loreena McKennitt. Magical is what it was. AND she played my favourite song.
• The Medieval Week on Gotland!
• I turned 31 and had a party on Hobbit Day. It felt epic.
• Amanda FUCKING Palmer!!!
• A Halloween fancy dress party. I LOVE THIS STUFF.
• Hannah Gadsby was brilliant.
• My childhood favourite band Nordman was in town to celebrate the 25 years since they released their first album and I was there.

 Ok, so 2019 has been a year of many firsts; of highs and lows. Coming into summer I felt like I had neglected myself by trying to survive a bad work place situation. I managed, by some miracle and a little help from my boss, to get myself away from that situation. Within weeks I had gone from absolutely no energy to energy to spare. And I had the rest of the year to enjoy it!
   And did I enjoy it.

Top picks of 2019

   Movies: I didn't have the same amount of time to spare to get myself to the cinema but the best experience of my cinema year was, hands down Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse. I absolutely adored it. Other movies I enjoyed was The Favourite and On the Basis of Sex. 

   TV shows: I have so much love for The Umbrella Academy! Finally got a third and a fourth season of Queer Eye and I cried my damn eyes out (THE FEELS!). A new season of Killing Eve that won all of the awards well deserved. I was thrilled to discover Warrior. A last and final season of Elementary and how I'll miss it now that it's gone... Handmaid's Tale gave us a confusing and frustrating third season. Gentleman Jack was great. STRANGER THINGS, OH MAH GAWD.

   Books: So many books (a total of 84), and I made even more of an effort to read books not written by men (37 this year). Autonomous by Annalee Newitz. The next novel in the Newflesh series by Mira Grant; Deadline. Sarah Gailey's American Hippo turned my insides into pink fluff and made me want a hippo ranch. The thrilling steampunk zombie air ship ride that is Boneshaker by Cherie Priest. Some oldies but goldies; Maskerade and The Last Continent by Sir Terry Pratchett. Red Seas Under Red Skies by Scott Lynch, and I finally got my hands on the legendary short story collection I am Legend by Richard Matheson. Kindred by Octavia E. Butler made me more certain of how much I adore her writing. I would also highly recommend Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape - an anthology edited by Jaclyn Friedman.

   Comics: Sunstone #6. MY HEART. MY FEELS. I've been recommended Southern Bastards on Goodreads so I gave it a go and actually enjoyed it - but I've been known to enjoy the 'Violent Old Bringer of Justice' before.

   Events: Life expectancy has risen. Child poverty has gone gone. A man in London is the second person to ever be completely cleared of the HIV virus, once and for all proving that living with HIV is neither a death sentence nor incurable. Researchers have found a plastic-eating mushroom that is edible to humans; not only giving us the opportunity to get rid of our massive amounts of plastic garbage but also offering us a hopefully tasty food (with our normal human luck though this mushroom with develop immense intelligence from eating our garbage and kill us all, but heeeeeey! That sounds an awful lot like a problem far into the future). Researchers have also found a way to convert all blood types into the universal type O that all people can safely receive. YouTube has finally actually officially banned white supremacist content (lets not question why it was allowed to begin with...). Humpback whales have come back from the near brink of extinction! Globally, renewable energy sources make up around a third of our power capacity. Global suicide rates have dropped 38% (though trans youths are still four times more likely to attempt suicide than their cis counterparts - help protect our trans kids! Support them! Save them!).

   Now's the part of the review when I tell the old year to fuck off and invite the new year, and decade, in with wishes for more hugs, love, sex and friendship.

  Get your ass in here 2020 and join me in the fun.

The Clusterfuck We Affectionally Call 2018

This is the 10th Year Review I'm putting together. That deserves a star.

   We mourn the loss of Johannes Brost, Dolores O'Riordan, Ursula K. LeGuin, David Ogden Stiers, Stephen Hawking, Rick 'Zombie Boy' Genest, Aretha Franklin, Margit Sandemo, Burt Reynolds, Emma Chambers, Al Matthews, STAN LEE (!!!) and William Goldman. 

• I cut my hair shorter again. Stayed green though.
• BOOKS. And COMICS.
• I finally got off my ass and started looking for a new job. Got one! but the search goes on.
• My best friend and I went to New Zealand. Dreamy.
• I got to see Stephen Lynch again.
• I had another great Midsummer's Eve.
• I FINALLY got myself some of that good HBO streaming. So much win.
• My furry ginger roomie Sengir turned 6 years old.
• I cut some more of my hair off. An then some more.
• I reached 70 000 page views.
• I had some epic vacation time with some very close friends.
• Went to the world's biggest separatist music festival for women, non-binary and trans*people.
• I turned 30. And I was lovingly surprised by my friends with dinner! ❤
• I ran out of chlorophyll so my hair turned from green to orange.
• I got a new tattoo.
• I celebrated New Years Eve on my own in my bath tub with delicious champagne.

   I had the unspoken goal to read more books by female authors and I'd like to think I made an effort.

   I also made promises to myself to treat myself to other people, as in: I need to see that I might not be as much of a nuisance as my anxiety-ridden brain would like me to think and wedge myself into other people's lives or rather myself into theirs. In short; I wanted to socialise more. Whether it'd be having coffee, having a PJ party, going out for a drink or whatever... I need to be with people. And I was. To a certain degree.

   I went to the cinema a shitload more than I used to which means I'm keeping up last year's Year Review promise to myself: MOAR FILM PLZ.

Top picks of 2018

 Movies: Black Panther - holy shit! The Shape of Water - wow! Avengers: Infinity War - WHAT IN THE GOD DAMN?! Deadpool 2 was laugh-out-loud funny. Tom Hardy made Venom hilarious.

 TV shows: I finally watched Limitless and liked it, Everything Sucks! was pleasantly nostalgic, Altered Carbon was kinda awesome. I binged the amazing 2nd season of Dear White People in two days, they gave me a new season of Elementary (oh YEAH...!) of which I could only watch half before I got cut off and, whadda ya know, CBS is only available in the US and Canada so fuck me, right?! The new season of Handmaid's Tale was great (AWFUL, but great). Killing Eve ❤ !!! Despite not being a big fan of horror I absolutely loved The Haunting of  Hill House.

 Books: I've read a shitload of books (68!) in 2018 and obviously found a few nuggets of gold in that heap... FEED by Mira Grant felt new and awesome, Queers Dig Time Lords edited by Sigrid Ellis was thoroughly heartwarming, The Road by Cormac McCarthy took me completely by surprise. I fell entirely in love with Octavia E. Butler's Parable of the Sower and the follow-up Parable of the Talents, and Richard K.Morgan's Altered Carbon was even more fascinating than the tv show they made of it. The long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers was SO FRIGGIN' AWESOME I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START. Sea of Rust (!!!) by C. Robert Cargill made my brain happy.
 Comics: I need all of you to read Paper Girls and Saga, aight?

 Events: Oscar nominations I could get behind: Get Out, The Shape of Water, Logan... turning into Oscars for Jordan Peele and Guillermo del Toro. And for Coco!❤ The super endangered Black Rhino is moving in to areas they haven't lived in for many years, which is awesome. IRELAND VOTED TO END ITS ABORTION BAN. Sweden approved stricter consent laws, making it illegal to have sex with someone without their explicit consent (ABOUT TIME). Sweden also decided to ban micro-plastics in cosmetics. Researchers have found methods to help reverse damage caused by Alzheimer's decease in the human brain. Scientists have also managed to reanimate pig brains up to 36 hours after initial death, leaving further possibilities to save human lives in the future. Humans now have the power to grow food in space (well... so far it's "just" onions on a space station but... still cool).

   For 2019 I want more books and comics. I want good cinema experiences. I want more stories by women and people of colour in my life. I want more hugs and good food. Honestly, I want more sex. I don't make promises. I can only hope and strive.

What I'm trying to say is this:

Dear 2018, get fucked.

Lets make 2019 something brilliant.

Welcome to Disaster Area 20-17

Wow. This year. 

   The bar was set so low you would think it's impossible to fuck it up, wouldn't ya? 

   I love how Hollywood suddenly realised that the greater majority of people on this planet is neither white, nor in fact male. Funny, huh? Somehow the realisation that diverse films earn more money than whitewashed crap came as a shock to them. Like... seriously?!

   It's infuriating to realise just how much the powerful men of Hollywood can keep quiet about when it's 99,5% women who end up the victims of these predators in their midst. They knew Harvey Weinstein was abusing and assaulting women and did nothing... until we found out.
   And for anyone calling this a witch-hunt; yes, we're witches and we're finally hunting the predators down. This is something we should have done ages ago with the likes of Roman Polanski and Woody Allen too. Make rapists afraid again.
Put them out of their jobs.
Don't trivialise their actions.
Or our experiences. #metoo

   I mourn the deaths of both of my grandfathers, as well as my paternal grandmother, while the rest of you can join me in mourning of Bill Paxton, John Hurt, Gösta Ekman, Nelsan Ellis, Rikard Wolff, Chester Bennington, Tom Petty, Harry Dean Stanton...
   Moreover:

• I entered singledom again.
• I went to a The Rocky Horror Picture Show audience participation showing and IT WAS SO AWESOME.
• I went to Budapest with my sister for a spa weekend in April. Not only was I told by my massage therapist that I had to work on my anger issues (I do, but what the hell...) but I also caught a severe cold that lasted me for a fortnight and stole my voice.
• I celebrated Towel Day hobbit style.
• After waiting for over a year and a half after buying the ticket I finally got to experience Russell Howard!
• I had one helluva midsummer. Magical. Just wow. I still can't believe how much fun I had.
• I got to try and be the boss-woman at work for two weeks. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong for me to try and fix. But as it turned out I learnt a lot in the process.
• After a brief hiatus of one year I went back to the Medieval Week on Gotland, with new silks no less! I had a blast. And got home with ulcers, a hangover and a fever.
• I lost three out of four grandparents in a span of four months. Rough as fuck.
• My asshole roomie Sengir moved in. Soon all of my possessions were covered in a fine layer of his ginger hair and everything is as it should be. I am become a Crazy Cat Lady.
• I had Ben and Jerry's Non-Dairy Ice-Cream and for a moment all existence was awesome.
• I made sure to make my intentions clear at a huge demonstration against Nazism here in my city. We won this round. Lets keep fighting.
• I finalised the process of getting myself sterilised. There are no critters ever crawling out of this uterus. #notyourincubator
• I celebrated Halloween decadently, with gusto.
• I got myself that tattoo I've wanted since I was thirteen years old.
• I've been to see movies at the cinema no less than ten times this year.

   If you feel like this Year Review is getting you a bit down, I'm terribly sorry since that wasn't my intention at all, but it's been a shit year hasn't it? Good thing it was over quicker than it takes to pull a band-aid. We'll simply have to end the review on a lighter note!

Favourite Picks of 2017
Movies: Moonlight, Logan, Get Out, The Handmaiden, Trainspotting 2, Logan, Thor: Ragnarok, Professor Marston and the Wonder Women, and did I mention Logan? 

Books: Isaac Asimov didn't disappoint with his 'Caves of Steel'. 'Revolution' by Russel Brand (!!!) turned out to be much better than I expected. 'The Fall of the House of Cabal' by Jonathan L. Howard left me pleasantly bewildered. 'Flowers for Algernon' by Daniel Keyes was a thrill-ride over too quickly. 'Redshirts' by John Scalzi grew on me. 'The Day of the Triffids' by John Wyndham was good ol' classical scifi at it's very best! The Book Thief by Markus Zusak was emotional as hell, especially with everything that's going on politically at the moment. The Bone Doll's Twin by Lynn Flewelling. For a closer look on what I've read this year there's my Goodreads profile.
TV shows: I added this category because we need to talk about 'Westworld'. Like, we really do. Because Thandie Newton ❤. Also: 'Dear White People'. I thought I enjoyed the movie but hoo boy, how I must have been mistaken because I loved every second of the show to the point that I never wanted it to end (there will be a second season, some champagne please!). Speaking of things that never end; the thirteenth Doctor is a woman! THE DEFENDERS, FUCK YEAH. I finished the Defenders in two binges and want more. More Daredevil. More Jessica Jones. More Luke Cage. More Claire Temple. MORE! The 2nd season of Stranger Things was way too short and I need more, STAT.
Events: Moonlight winning Best Picture at the Oscars the way it did (OH MY GODS!!), Wonder Woman made a killing at the box office once again proving that we're truly starving for both female heroes and female creators. THE BEES ARE COMING BACK! HIV/AIDS is no longer the number one cause of death on the African continent. We outed so many predators in Hollywood. Good job. Scientists have come up with a way to regrow the Great Barrier Reef. My new buddy Sengir moved in with me.

Just like last I year I will not be making any resolutions for the new year but instead wish, and hope, for more kitty snuggles, more human touch, and more tasty food and drinks.

And remember:

"It's Chaos. Be Kind."

Fuck you 2016

2016 has been a year of death, misery and unexpected turns of events.

   Alan Rickman, Muhammad Ali, Prince, Anton Yelchin, Ron Glass, Carrie Fisher... the list of excellent people leaving this life seems to go on forever.
   Homophobia and racism won further ground internationally; the Brussels bombings, the Lahore suicide bombing, Brexit, the Pulse shooting, Donald Trump being elected president, the Aleppo massacre, the Berlin attacks just to mention a few out of too many.

   My struggles with anxiety reached a new high with panic attacks and many a sleepless, heavy and tear-filled night. I haven't been able to focus on much for more than a few minutes at a time. The only things I've just about managed is work (in fact, I received a well-earned salary increase thanks to that), binge-watch just about every single tv show on Netflix and a few hundred hours of Clicker Heroes divided into a maximum of five minutes at a time. Like Bilbo, I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread. No matter how much I do in a day, it's never enough and my insides hurt.

IT'S TEA TIME BITCH

One of the good things coming out of this year is my boyfriend.
And some of the books I've read.
That I quit nicotine at long last.
The Stitch onesie I bought.
My few but very good friends for sure.
The blog passing 60 000 pageviews.
That I bought some delicious teas (from Tefrossa).
I got to travel to Warsaw with two of my great friends.
The tattoo I got.
The autographs I collected.
And that Leonardo DiCaprio finally got his Oscar. But then on the other hand, that might have been the final seal to bring on the Apocalypse. To bring us to our final ends... good times!

Favourite pick of 2016

DEADPOOL

Movies: Deadpool, Zootopia, Deadpool, Captain America: Civil War, Deadpool, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story and Deadpool. Did I mention Deadpool?
Books: The Martian by Andy Weir was an unexpected happy surprise and a thoroughly good read, Tough Shit by Kevin Smith cracked me up and made me want to listen to Kevin's SModcast (also highly recommended btw), Contact by Carl Sagan was truly marvellous and The Brothers Cabal by Jonathan L. Howard was fantastic.
Events: (Because yes, we need this too.) The Manatee, the Giant Panda and the Humpback Whale are no longer critically endangered. There is now an Ebola vaccine. Suicide rates are going down world wide. Child mortality rates are going down world wide. The ozone layer is healing itself. The money gathered from the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge led to the discovery of a gene that could be the key to beating the decease. See! We actually managed a few good things.

But in conclusion:
2016, kindly fuck the fuck off.

I swear, the bar for 2017 is set so low...
...and I say this knowing full well that Trump's presidency hasn't even started yet and the plan is for Brexit to step into effect this spring. We have a lot of shit to fight and rectify.

Dear 2015,

At the beginning of the year I made a promise to not make any promises for you, the upcoming year. No new year's resolutions that I could get anxious about or break. I'd say it worked out pretty well for me.

The blog passed 50 000 pageviews in 2015. To my great relief I moved, not once but twice. It was kind of coincidental (accidental?), yes, but it did land me with my own place in the end (and far more importantly; away from the Corridor which I was so desperately trying to escape).

At the end of April I took that trip to Old Blighty that I started planning at the end of last year together with a dear friend of mine. As if all of this didn't make it seem like I have all the money in the world I also got myself a new tattoo and finally finished my faun. Moreover, I seem to have bought and played a lot of awesome games during the course of the year. This pleases me to no end. I'm aware I might be more than a bit late but I've mostly played and very much enjoyed Witcher, Portal, Psychonauts, Skyrim, Magicka and The Wolf Among Us. Old goodies.

On a sadder note I lost a most beloved friend during the summer of 2015. My dear old Torsten went to his final rest, 19 years old, blind but still king of the farm. My grumpy little angel.

RIP Turbo Torsten

In August, I visited my 10th Medieval Week and kind of went all in to make sure and have done those things that I usually don't do when I'm there. A lot of sitting around, laughing and drinking the nights away in good company.
And then I finally got to see Dylan Moran. The man is inexplicably amazing.

In 2015 I've read a few books that really left a lasting impression; The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch was enchanting and I'm looking forward to reading the other books of the Gentlemen Bastards series. Lighthousekeeping by Jeanette Winterson is not what I usually take time to read but based on a friend's recommendation I had to give it a go and it turned out to be a total dream. I highly recommend it to everyone who appreciates the written word. Already, I'm planning a re-read some time in the spring. I wasn't as impressed with Glen Duncan's The Last Werewolf as I was with his book I, Lucifer. Too predictable I felt though I absolutely love urban fantasy.
On a whim I also decided to read The Princess Bride by William Goldman and recommend everyone that love the movie as much as I do to do so as well.

I think I've made some new friends this year that I'd love to hang out with some more. I might have made a few new enemies - this is expected. I gave less of a fuck about other people's opinions. I did travel a bit.
There might have been less hugging than I would have liked but hey, I doubt there's an amount of hugging big enough for me.

I have plans for 2016 and a great deal of hope. I don't know a lot of things for sure but I will be seeing Dara O'Briain's show Crowd Tickler in May and yet again I'm planning a little adventure out of the country.

So, in conclusion:

Dear 2015,
we will never see each other ever again. And I'm fine with that.

Happy New 2015

My first post of the year will begin with a huge WHOOP of joy because I'm recieving my very own copy of the first issue of Sunstone by Stjepan Sejic some time next week. Aaaand I might have pre-ordered the second issue.

Also, fuck 2014.
I had a few good things happening to me but that's on a purely individual level. Sweden has during 2014 become one snake's nest of normalisation of racism and fascism on a state level. Some 13% of the voters in last year's election found it to be a good idea to put the Swedish Democrats in a position of power - these are the fuckers who more or less publically condone violence against Muslims and leftist activists.
2014 also saw more than a little police brutality against peaceful demonstrations.

The few good things about last year was flying off to Mallorca and getting a bit of the old sun and alcohol, dying my hair green, and working on my tattoo. I met some awesome people I'd like to see more of. I finally realised how much I like being on vacation. How much I love the political side of LGBTQ pride festivals.
I finished Stephen King's Dark Tower series and loved the everloving fuck out of it. Neil Gaiman is awesome, and despite his occasional misogyny Robert A. Heinlein has really caught my interest.

I don't want 2015 to be worse than 2014. That's it. I'll try and work on that. I didn't make any resolutions for 2014 and just as well I didn't. I will not do that for 2015 either.
I might keep working on my nerdiness.
I might want more hugging out of 2015.
I might also have started planning a little trip to Dear Old Blighty. Lets start there.

2013 - a year full of... cats?

I usually do this thing at the end of every year where I go through the events of the passed year. This year will not be an exception but seeing as I haven't written much this year nor done much else than sleep and work I'll just feed you a few anecdotes and pictures with captions. Enjoy. Or not.
Oh and if you're just looking for some of my favourite tv shows, films and books of the year skip to the end. Keep scrolling.

The beginnings of a new year...:

My old friend Torsten and I spent New Year's Day of 2013 together. He turned 17 this year and is still one of the most opinionated teenagers I've ever met. I'm hungover in the picture, I'm sure, but Torsten doesn't mind. It only guarantees him lots of cuddles. We love cuddles.

Spring's here:

I was a pink Yip Yip Martian for the Scnadinavian Sci-Fi, Game & Film Convention and got attack-hugged by a very happy Spiderman. I'm not sure how I ended up in this situation. Ok, I'm lying. It's all L's fault. He's in the blue Yip Yip costume. We were awesome.

All summer long:
Summer arrived late but it came in like a wrecking ball, ripping people's clothes off as it went. No, really. I love how the whole of Gothenburg acts whenever the sun comes out. All these half naked hipsters, punks, metalheads and rockers with their tattoos - eye candy galore.

I was in love with my piercing. And my hat. All the hipster in this picture is hurting my eyes.
I got back to enjoying handicrafts which delights me to no end because creating things is a great pleasure but hasn't held that kind of attraction to me in a long while.

So I completed things for my medieval outfits while I had the inspiration. Check out my purse! It's got tassels!

We crazy Swedes often enjoy our Midsummer's Eves with a large side of alcohol. Attending a party at a friend's place meant I was stealing his tiara at every chance I had. He's got the prettiest things. And the loveliest of shoes and glittery dresses.

Autumn is summer's end:
2013 was the year of my return to the Medieval Week on Gotland and it was much better than I could ever have imagined. On the first night after I had blatantly stolen a hat from one of the landsknecht, I picked up a Steampunk Pirate to share a nightly stroll with. Only later did I realise that the pirate and I could have advanced to a more horisontal position in my bunk but hey, I was having a hoot and a half nontheless. I returned the hat. I drank enough beer to drown a fish. On the last night I located and snogged a bearded knight with amazing hair. In all fairness, I must admit it to be a week to cherish in memory.

Here, have a picture of His Fluffyness Mus-Ingvar.

It was an unusually warm September. Lovely.

Oh, and I turned 25. Blergh.

Qwertee is my new favourite thing to throw money at. It speaks to me. Though I ask you to ignore the ring I'm wearing in the picture; I use it at work to scare off the creeps by pretending that I'm engaged (the feminist in me is crying over the fact that the only thing that can scare the creeps off is the potential threat of my fake partner). To everyone else it's a silver ring with the One Ring engraving.

L adopted a Maine Coon and after spending hours in shock over how fucking HUGE this feline creature is I couldn't stop petting him. He makes a great pillow.

We've reached the end - December:
A busy month for me. I got started on my new tattoo but with a great deal left for another sitting I'll rather not bore you with the details just yet. As you probably have already figured out I'm planning my next tattoo as I write. It might be painful to get a tattoo but there's nothing like the pleasure of having it done.
It was finally time for my return to Belfast. My friend L got to see Belfast in all its glory. Bombs and all. Yeah, I'm serious. We're the kind of freaks that enjoy visiting cathedrals so we went for a tour to St. Anne's Cathedral and later the same day a small bomb detonated nearby. Luckily we were happily drinking our tea back at the hostel at that point. I was pleased nontheless because my inner beer nerd was overjoyed with all the locally produced ale I poured down my gullet.

Back at the Parlour at last.

Once back I continued my life as usual but I was a pair of pink pig slippers and a Cookie Monster onesie richer.

In conclusion:

Happy New Year!

I move on with my life with my boy band haircut still in place, but with a larger library, a new piercing and more ink. 2013 held no greater surprises in my life and looking back at it I can't really find anything that stands out among all the rest. It was a bleak year to be quite honest and I make no resolutions or promises facing the next one. 2013 was in retrospect the year when nothing considerable changed.

But what about the films and books?
2013 wasn't even that much of an amazing cinema experince. Quite a lot of disappointments to be fair as I had waited a few years for some of the titles (Riddick, Kick-Ass 2, The Wolverine, Star Trek Into Darkness among others) but if I had to recommend you anything I'd tell you to give Now You See Me, Monster's University, The World's End, Iron Man 3 and Pacific Rim a chance. Like previously stated, nothing mind-blowingly awesome but entertaining at the least.
Even Doctor Who lost all of its charm and I have no fucks left to give about the fate of the Doctor now that Moffat has completely taken over the show. Sadly, nearly the same goes for my old favourites Supernatural and Sons of Anarchy - by now I'm just too invested in the characters to stop watching. The third season of Game of Thrones came and went. Instead of lingering on this misery, I watched and rewatched what there is of the second season of Elementary and welcomed Dracula with Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Almost Human with Karl Urban and Michael Ealy to my weekly schedule. Sleepy Hollow was a fresh wind. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn't. The instant success of Orange is the New Black was well deserved and I'm on pins and needles for the next season.
As we arrive at the subject of the books I've plowed through this past year, there are a couple of titles I'd like to give the praise they deserve: I, Lucifer by Glen Duncan, Hyperion by Dan Simmons and the Johannes Cabal series by Jonathan L. Howard. They're excellent if you like a good story with an unexpected ending.

Yeah. Basically.