PRAISE THE GODS

That essay.

I finished the examination seminar like I would have my second breakfast.

I passed. I survived. It's over.

 It would seem that I will be drinking a bottle of fine champagne this weekend. I've been waiting for so long and now I'm done. Done, I tell you.

My job according to Bernard and Manny

I sell wine and other alcoholic beverages for a living and therefore must develop certain bullshitting skills in order to convince customers to choose wines I find would suit their specifications. Sometimes it sounds like I'm an all-knowing expert and at other times it just sounds... a bit like this:

I don't really see the problem. You just have to choose your audience with care.

Past deadline

I've handed in my essay. It's not great. But it's in. I can't do anything but prepare to defend it. In a few days we'll find out if I can pop that bottle of champagne or if I'll have to wait a little while longer.

WHAT

Writing an essay with only two days until deadline. This is EXACTLY what it feels like.



Because Bernard Black is always relevant.

Problem

I still find it strange that some people find it to be "unrealistic" to have people who aren't white and/or straight in works of the fantasy and sci-fi genre while dragons, trolls, aliens and talking snowmen are just fine.

No Oscars for you

How hard can it be to give Leonardo DiCaprio an Oscar?
I didn't see the award show because as soon as I thought I'd found a good live stream it was only for the red carpet. For the actual show... nothing that worked where I live. Not for lack of trying to find something because I was up until 3AM. Which is why I'm now both tired and bitter.

LOVE ALL THE BOOKS

What if I told you that this huge pile of books are all books I aquired in the last month? In fact, most of them are purchased in the last few days. Yes, I admit that I might have gone a bit crazy at the very instant my salary entered my account but it's only to be expected since I feel like I'm in the middle of the most stressful crap I've ever had to endure. My reaction to this kind of thing is actually very predictable (see: picture below). There will be many years between me handing in my essay and the next university course I take, believe you me. I'm just longing for the moment when I can sit down and read anything I want from my bookshelf. It's been a while. Four years to be quite exact.

There's some art and art history books there, some non-fiction factual books on medieval dress accessories and some good old fiction. Whatever floats your goat I suppose.

Bored now, lets Netflix

I finally caved in and created an account with Netflix. Just to see what the big deal is and to have something playing in the background while I write. Background buzz.
And I'm picking up the OS on Monday myself. I'm so goddamned tired of people losing my stuff.

Box of scrap metal

I don't want to be a bitch or anything but I still don't have an Operating System for the increasingly more expensive monstrosity of scrap metal I'd like to be able to call a computer. Disappointed? Yes. Very.
Oh Noodly Spaghetti Monster, give me the carbohydrate-pumped strenght to not bite their heads off through the phone when I speak to them in the morning. R'Amen.

Piece of shit machine

Don't get me wrong, becuase there is little in this world I appreciate more than computers, but I fucking loathe computer parts. I didn't lie when I said that I received a new hard disk drive in exchange for the old one but the one I now have mounted and happily tried to restart my gamer life with worked no better than the one I wanted to chuck out the window for its inadequacy. I even called tech support! What did they do to help me? Well, I don't quite know yet because he'll be calling me back when he has an inkling of an idea of what could be wrong and how to make it right.
Oh, dear me.

And to believe that I fell asleep last night in a splendidly good mood after enjoying Coriolanus with the two of my friends with a greater interest in Shakespeare. Or they were just as curious as I was to see Tom Hiddleston and Mark Gatiss on a stage rather than on the screen. Well, to us it would still be on a screen since we didn't go to London to see the performance but you get the point I'm trying to make here. Magic performance nontheless. I was smiling like a Cheshire Cat. 

Later...
He called me back from tech support!
...and now it will take a few more days before I can undo something they might have fucked up while tinkering around with my faulty hard disk drive - because I almost had him admit that they sent me back the old one after deleting anything that could possibly be mistaken for an operating system on it. Of course anything that could have created the original problem got deleted with that as well but you have to look at this from where I'm standing and that's WITHOUT A FUCKING OPERATING SYSTEM. I have to admit I'm not too keen on the idea of carrying the whole thing back to their offices knowing full well how increasingly heavy a computer gets when you have to carry the bloody thing yourself. Useless piece of debris. Expensive debris but about as useful as a bent fork without teeth.

"Now this is a fire!"

So apparently there's quite a fire in my building. I'm told to stay in my corridor.
'Don't mind if I do', I mumble as I reblog another picture of Tom Hiddleston in the Captain America suit.

Don't mind if I do.

EDIT:

So this was just proof of the point that you should extinguish all fires in a room before leaving it. Fires such as candles. Especially if it's somebody else's room.

The Hutt recommends: I, Lucifer

I, Lucifer by Glen Duncan.

Now here’s my kind of book! Just look at this opening paragraph:

"I, Lucifer, Fallen Angel, Prince of Darkness, Bringer of Light, Ruler of Hell, Lord of the Flies, Father of Lies, Apostate Supreme, Tempter of Mankind, Old Serpent, Prince of This World, Seducer, Accuser, Tormentor, Blasphemer, and without doubt Best Fuck in the Seen and Unseen Universe (ask Eve, that minx) have decided - ooh-la-la! - to tell all."

The fallen angel, presently Prince of Darkness and Ruler of Hell, Lucifer is offered a second chance at redemption. Gabriel descends from the Heavens to offer Luce the deal of living as a mortal human on Earth for a month without committing one of the greater sins and in exchange Lucifer would be granted to return to his station as an angel of the Lord in Heaven for eternity. Well. He’d be an angel but not be returned to his former high status. Lucifer smells bullshit but as he suspects that God is up to something Apocalyptic he can't see how his final decision can make an inkling of a difference.
Seizing at this opportunity for some vacation from his painful existence in Hell, Lucifer wakes up in the body of the suicidally unsuccessful writer Declan Gunn and despite the limitations of the human body decides to run riot through the realm of senses. Time will not be wasted! There's cocaine to be had, sexually transmitted deceases to spread and finally humans will know some real truths about Adam and the Lord above - the nasty truths.
But Lucifer is shocked to find that his human existence isn't at all what he thought it would be and slowly finds there's more to learn from humanity than he first expected.

The language of this book is beautiful. Not only is it clever, fiendishly witty and sometimes outright hilarious but certain sections are so heartbreakingly BEAUTIFUL it's crazy. How do you describe the beauty of the little things experienced for the very first time to someone who hasn't given them a thought since... ever? Duncan does it and he does it well. Mixed in with the tragedy and vulgarity that is modern human life you'll find a genuinely fantastic piece of work. A deeply moving tale about moral and redemption.
My constant thirst for sarcasm and good dialogue is quenched. I don't know what else I can tell you.
Just read it.

No ghouls - no problem

So I just called the computer company and they didn't fight me in the least. I'm returning the hard drive on Wednesday and will recieve a new one in exchange. No problem.

And by the bye, Johannes Cabal is a wonderful character. Yesterday, I started and almost finished the riveting third installment in the series about the sarcastic necromancer. The Fear Institute is much more Lovecraftian than the previous novels and I'm enjoying every sentence (though I wish there were  more female, or rather non-male, characters). I would have finished it if I hadn't been so curious about CarniePunk - a collection of short stories centered around carnivals. Not being able to curb said curiousity, I might have read a few chapters in that one too. Well, I did.
Reading is the most fun excuse you can have to not deal with your problems, or so I find.

Go fish

So the hard disk drive of my expensive brand new computer crashed two days ago and I can't help but feel cheated out of my money (that was much more than a months worth of salary, fuck you very much). The computer company can expect a furious phone call tomorrow and demands for a new component to no additional cost. If they start giving me lip I will  break them. And then show up on their door step in all my fierce splendor.

All jokes aside though, at the moment I'm just grateful that I was wise enough to buy a laptop at about the same time but from another company or I would have lost my mind completely. It's good to have a backup, or so I've heard.
However, now I'm left with the laptop on which I have nothing but Spotify and school work which will of course force me to face reality and those pesky responsibilities.
Which is why I'm writing here, naturally.
I would never procrastinate. Hah. Never. Not my style.
Hmm, I wonder where I put that Johannes Cabal novel I wanted to get to reading...

Tonight I'm Bernard

I had grapes for dinner tonight.

Well, fermented grapes.

Well, wine.

I had wine for dinner.

Other than trying to finish my essay (which consists mostly of me bashing my forehead against the keyboard of my laptop) I'm working on a few book recommendations, the next part The Hutt's Little School of Movie Genres and something new for my DeviantArt page but it's taking some time. But hey, at least I'm trying.

Amirite?