Brave?

Ok, I'm going to watch Brave. I haven't actually seen a single thing about this movie beforehand so it'll really be a surprise. The music is amazing though. SPOILER ALERTS though I'll try and not give too much away. Here goes.

• Ooooh, pretty! Beautiful scenery.
• WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SCOTLAND??! As soon as anything animated has anything close to a medieval theme (this includes fantasy) it will as inevitably as the fucking tide take place in Scotland (or some other place inhabited by Scots). And Billy Connolly will voice at least one character. Are there bears in Scotland? Hm.
• At 5 minutes we meet the young woman Merida and her family. Notice how bitter she is that her brothers doesn't really have to do anything and she has all sorts of responsibilities.
• 7 minutes. Don't disturb me. I'm listening to Julie Fowlis. The songs are way too short - it's a problem.
• 9 minutes. WTF. Is this really Ronia the Robber's Daughter?
• 15 minutes in and... Wait, why is Merida wearing a corset? We don't see corsets until the 15th century in Europe and judging from the dresses this is late 14th century. Also, maidens wore their hair out. Married women covered it. AAAURGH! I'm damaged.
• 28 minutes and Merida is holding a sword for about a minute. Name one "Disney Princess" who uses a short-range weapon like a sword. You'll say Mulan. When does she actually use her sword? Never. A bow - yes, fireworks - yes, but not her sword. Rapunzel uses a frying pan. I liked that. Up close and personal.
• Well, now I'm 30 minutes into the movie and... are we entirely sure that this isn't inspired by Ronia the Robber's Daughter? Seriously. I can think of little else.
• Haha! At 32 minutes you'll meet what must be the movie's most awesome characters. How long do I get to keep them? 4 minutes. Thanks.
• 40 minutes and... so now it's definitly a cross-over between Ronia and Brother Bear? "Mother Bear"?
• MERIDA SAID "CRIVENS"!! The Wee Free Men wibe comes in at 58 minutes. Lets paint her blue.
• 59 minutes. Is this really a children's movie? I wonder.
• An hour quite exactly and I'm getting this Moria feeling with the dungeon and the bones and everything. Oooh, spooky.
• Oh I'm really loving the stone circle. It's acting all mysterious and shit. Haha. I'm tired.
• 68 minutes and finally an emotional response on my part. I need tissues.
• At the 70th minute there's misunderstandings and proper action and stuff! Woop woop!
• 74 minutes: HAHAHAHA! Her little brothers are killing me. Strange how they're suddenly Merida's best buddies.
• 76 minutes: animal cruelty. Warning.
• Minute 78. C'mon mama bear! Kick his ass! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and so on and so forth.
• 80 minutes - RIGHT IN THE FEELS.
• 83 minutes and there's that amazing song Learn Me Right by Birdy (feat. Mumford & Sons). Aw crap. Now I really won't be able to hear that song without crying. A few inspirational last words from Merida and that's the end. 
• 86th minute and end credits are rolling. IT'S DEDICATED TO FUCKING STEVE JOBS?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Now there's enough reason to be bitter for the rest of my miserable existance. No. I'm bitter enough.

Well. That was Brave. Not Pixar/Disney's best work and certainly not the most interesting one but interesting enough if you ask me. Nice to see something aimed at children that doesn't circle around boys, boys and men. Ahem. Yeah. The whole list thing is a bit silly too. But truth be told, I'll probably do it again. Shit! Is that the time?
I need to be up in 2,5 hours to pretend to be an adult who knows stuff. Balls!