People

    People truly are astonishingly fucking dumb. Just because restrictions are being rolled back slightly doesn't mean there's no more covid you fuckwits. I'm furious. I've got shit to do and people acting stupid just pushes that further into the future. I want my life back, or at least some semblance of it, please and thank you.

Shoot me now

   I really need a vacation. I really need my wonderful, hardened and experienced colleagues to come back from theirs. Soon. Now. Yesterday.

   I have three god damned weeks left until my own vacation and the current mood is that I want to die. But only after I strangle every single motherfucker who tries any shit that could hinder my days from running smoothly. I'm keeping a list and am adding names.
   And until I leave for four glorious weeks off I have to put on a brave face and muddle through. Be the Big Boss and act like an Adult™ just a little while longer.

cooncomic.com

  After my four weeks are done I'm moving on to my new employment. Same kind of job, different area of town. Less responsibility, better pay. Full time.

Lungs, please stahp

   It really sucks to be down with the worst case of the flu I've had since ... well, I can't remember having a worse case. I'm coughing. Hard. That's the worst part of it. Going to bed is a chore because you need to take all the right medicines in the right order and sit in the bed just the right way to dampen the coughing fits just enough to fall asleep. After that I might get somewhere between 5 and 6 hours before I can't breathe. If I'm lucky. Oh, the phlegm. In short, I can't do shit. Halloween is around the corner and I wanted to dazzle in a new outfit. Now I'm not sure I'll be able to finish it.

Here, have everything. Now.

See, here's where I get a little cross. 'Put out' you could call it. Not angry, because I have no reason to be angry (because awesome stuff is going down). But irritated. A common theme in my life is that first nothing happens, then nothing happens some more and then ALL OF THE THINGS(!) happen all at once.
Now is one of those times.
And I'm a bit put out because I got shit to deal with and a very short amount of time to do it in.
My life's in boxes.
Easier to move that way, right?

Bored now, lets Netflix

I finally caved in and created an account with Netflix. Just to see what the big deal is and to have something playing in the background while I write. Background buzz.
And I'm picking up the OS on Monday myself. I'm so goddamned tired of people losing my stuff.

Box of scrap metal

I don't want to be a bitch or anything but I still don't have an Operating System for the increasingly more expensive monstrosity of scrap metal I'd like to be able to call a computer. Disappointed? Yes. Very.
Oh Noodly Spaghetti Monster, give me the carbohydrate-pumped strenght to not bite their heads off through the phone when I speak to them in the morning. R'Amen.

Piece of shit machine

Don't get me wrong, becuase there is little in this world I appreciate more than computers, but I fucking loathe computer parts. I didn't lie when I said that I received a new hard disk drive in exchange for the old one but the one I now have mounted and happily tried to restart my gamer life with worked no better than the one I wanted to chuck out the window for its inadequacy. I even called tech support! What did they do to help me? Well, I don't quite know yet because he'll be calling me back when he has an inkling of an idea of what could be wrong and how to make it right.
Oh, dear me.

And to believe that I fell asleep last night in a splendidly good mood after enjoying Coriolanus with the two of my friends with a greater interest in Shakespeare. Or they were just as curious as I was to see Tom Hiddleston and Mark Gatiss on a stage rather than on the screen. Well, to us it would still be on a screen since we didn't go to London to see the performance but you get the point I'm trying to make here. Magic performance nontheless. I was smiling like a Cheshire Cat. 

Later...
He called me back from tech support!
...and now it will take a few more days before I can undo something they might have fucked up while tinkering around with my faulty hard disk drive - because I almost had him admit that they sent me back the old one after deleting anything that could possibly be mistaken for an operating system on it. Of course anything that could have created the original problem got deleted with that as well but you have to look at this from where I'm standing and that's WITHOUT A FUCKING OPERATING SYSTEM. I have to admit I'm not too keen on the idea of carrying the whole thing back to their offices knowing full well how increasingly heavy a computer gets when you have to carry the bloody thing yourself. Useless piece of debris. Expensive debris but about as useful as a bent fork without teeth.

My feels

Yes.
You guessed it right; I'm not in the best of moods and will probably continue being a complete and utter wanker for a few more days (weeks if we’re unlucky) if nothing entirely awesome happens. We all go through these episodes of hating everything and everyone now and again and for me it includes isolating myself and watching a lot of Black Books. That is unless I'm spewing profanities at people because I’m forced to crawl out of my dungeon for lets say... work... or school.
I thought that moving into a bigger city would turn my life around and everything would be nice and shiny. I got myself a job and liked it for about three days until my colleagues started whispering behind my back. As a geek I’ve always liked school but instantly had issues with my classmates when I got back to university about two weeks ago. The uniformity of the group is astounding and if I’m the most peculiar there is, something’s gone wrong because I’m really not that peculiar.
Well, now I am.
To top all that off I’ve had to reevaluate what I think people want from me; whether it’s physical or intellectual. It can’t be described as pretty.
I’m shook-up and disappointed.

A word of caution should be given to anyone who wants to give me advice on dealing with this world-suck - please, don’t bother as it'll only exacerbate things. Don't tell me what to do. For your own good.
You want to make things better? I like drinking tea and eating cake. I have this ridiculously huge appreciation for nerds – preferably Whovians, Potterheads, Sherlockians, SuperWhoLockians, Browncoats and Star Wars nerds or anyone who can quote at least three things Dylan Moran has ever said. I’m generally inclined to like people who care about me, not because I should entertain them when they’re bored but because of genuine affection.
But maybe that’s just me.

Offended? You better watch this.

Week 32

The truth is that the coming week will probably be one of the toughest weeks of my life for the past ten years or so. I will have to work my regular job while taking care of my parents’ house with four different species of animals apart from the normal household stuff.

I attended the Medieval Week on Gotland (the largest medieval festival in Sweden) for the first time in 2005 and have attended every year since. It’s been a tradition, some years more to my liking than others but mostly that one time of year when I could pretend to be someone a little different from myself and meet new and interesting people that knew nothing about how boring I really am. It never turned out much like that, though I have made friends there that I generally don’t meet at all during the other 51 weeks of the year and it’s always that much greater seeing them after all that time.
And lets face it, I get to play princess in all the lovely dresses I make for eight whole days in the year and be out all night with my friends.

Last year I promised myself it would be the last year I’d attend out of tradition. I made a promise I wouldn’t go back until I ached to go there and ached to make clothes I’d be proud of, which is of course the reason I’m not there right now as the Medieval Week’s opening celebrations are about to commence in the lovely Visby of Gotland.

My parents and my older sister are at The Medieval Week as we speak. I don’t know what pisses me off more; that I recommended it to them or that I’m stuck guarding the house. I have a variety of issues with being on my own and would normally just sit on my wide ass when I’ve dealt with my chores but whenever I’m alone in the house I can’t seem to sit still for more than a minute at a time. I can’t even take the time to sit down to eat. I see all the worst scenarios flash before my eyes and imagine the oncoming catastrophe.
It usually goes well.

Also, I want to cut my hair.

Damn.

I fucked up in astronomical proportions at my exam yesterday and feel like shit because of it. I knew I hadn’t studied enough, I just didn’t think it was actually that bad. Oh, my word...
Spoke to some of my classmates afterwards and almost all of them are to take the advanced course of International Relations, which I was to do at first as well, and it still sounds intensively interesting but I can’t stand the thought of feeling like a total dumbass in comparison to all the intelligent people I study with. Again. So I decided on taking a course of Religion instead, where I’m already pretty certain I’ll do quite well. I’m too embarrassed to be around smart people right now. I can’t stand feeling ignorant.

Itching fingers

You know when people tell you that there is something you can’t do? You didn’t really consider doing it before someone told you not to.

Not that it’s illegal or even immoral but it’s just something you don’t normally spend too much time with. It was only after someone told me not to do a particular thing that I suddenly have an urge to do just that.

All the time.

But I can’t.

And it’s driving me nuts.

Going through history...

At the time, in school we’re going through the importance of history in International Relations. Basically, it’s everything. To everyone. Anyhoooow… We were forced to watch a documentary in three pieces by BBC and now I’m recommending it to you guys.

It's disturbing but very educational. I'd like to warn anyone who can be a little sensitive because it's very violent.
No, really. I'm no softie and I thought it was nothing but horrible.



The impact of this part of the documentary (there are two other parts, equally educational) is even greater when considered how there are still people who think that because of different levels of melanin in different peoples skin you suddenly have an excuse to beat on certain groups.
It's sick.

Here's a quote out of the video that kind of speaks for itself when it comes to American racism:

"White America has maintained to this day control of the history of racial violence as victors. If we live in a occupied country intellectually, and as long as White America maintains the power and maintains the myth of moral superiority, the history will never become public, fully public, and be written into our national conscience."

- James Allen

I hope you watch it. And then go read Edward Said's work "Orientalism".

Life right now

Cons:

1. It’s raining. Horizontally. That's November in Sweden for ya.
2. Headache in spite of coffee gulping.
3. Essay writing. It sucks. I thought QUB was bad.

Pros:

1. I’ve got tea in all the colours of the rainbow.
2. Cookies. Lets not forget the cookies.
3. Castle. Anything with Nathan Fillion really.

Klagosång, version: sommar

Klart som fan att man jobbar de varmaste dagarna/kvällarna på året.
Förra lördagen var det tropisk värme (nattemperaturer på över 20 grader) i Västra Götaland - jag jobbade 7-16.
Natten till idag var det återigen tropisk värme och kommer att bli inatt också - igår jobbade jag 16-21 och nu ska jag snart iväg på ännu ett 16-21-pass.
Lägg på en enveten förkylning och rör om.
*snörvel*

Men ikväll ska jag bada. För imorgon är jag ledig, alltså blir det sovmorgon, och jag förtjänar ett dopp i vatten som kanske är någon grad kallare än luften. Kanske.
Gotta love Åsunden.

Schemalagt

Jaha.
Då var man Hemma på berget vid Åsunden igen. Jaaaaaha. Uttråkad? Redan? Jag? Aldrig. Skulle aldrig falla mig in.
Suck.
Jag behöver verkligen komma igång med jobb, uppsats, djurträning, matlagning, bakning, klädsömnad och upprustning av bil. Om jag är smart så har jag att göra i många månader framåt.

Och jag har dessutom fått ett jobbschema som bara bevisar existensen av Murphy's lag - det visar sig att jag ska jobba både under Kungahälla Medeltidsdagar och dagen då jag borde vara på ett gymnasium och dela med mig om mina upplevelser av universitetsstudier.

Det enda positiva jag kan se just nu är att Musse aka Mus-Ingvar aka Fluffet flyttat in hos mig.

Den här sommarens jobb börjar imorgon.

Behöver något

Eftersom jag är på ett uruselt humör så kan jag behöva något av följande saker:

• En kall öl - det brukar funka i de flesta lägen oberoende av tidigare humör.
• Gott sällskap - är jag i närheten av människor jag gillar så brukar jag oftast vara glad eller i alla fall lyckas låtsas jävligt väl.
• Bra musik - brukar vid rätt volym påverka humöret till det bättre, go for it Spotify, intrigue me.
• En lång promenad/gym-pass/spinningpass - sådär så att man när man kommer tillbaka har tvättat ur hjärnan lite och kan tänka på något positivt utan att automatiskt förvandla det till något negativt.

Kort sagt så behöver jag nog umgås.
Jag har för mycket tid över till att tänka när jag är ensam.

It's raining again

Jag är rastlös. Jag har varit Hemma hos Moo-Ma & Moo-Pa i två dagar, har kört bil som en idiot, säkrat ett sommarjobb, köpt en låda, druckit kaffe, klappat små barn, shoppat kläder, tagit långpromenader med hunden och ledsagat en mullvad in i nästa värld men jag är rastlös som ett djur i bur. Ögonen är som tefat, händerna darrar och armarna/axlarna värker. Jag känner inte för att umgås med folk men jag är galet kelsjuk. Jag följer likt en skugga efter en tyst jamande Torsten men jag gillar inte att han fäller vita hår på mina svarta kläder (eller sätter klorna i mina lår för den delen).
Jag har sytt om en byxdress jag köpt. Jag har sytt om en tröja jag gått och funderat på att göra något åt i ett par månader. Jag har omorganiserat min filmhylla. Jag har till och med börjat rensa ur min garderob. Allt för att slippa läsa böckerna till uppsatsen.
Hjälp, jag kan inte slappna av.

Peka med hela handen

Har varit på handledarmöte idag angående uppsatsen och det var en trevlig upplevelse ångesten till trots. Min handledare är helt klart en sympatisk karl som kan handskas med studenter.
Har alltså äntligen kommit underfund med vad jag ska skriva om. Tänk Kd, sexualpolitik med fokus på HBT-frågor sen 80-talet och det där med att säga en sak utåt för att visa en vacker yta medan man gör en annan praktiskt.
Det kan funka.
Efter det drog jag självklart till universitetsbiblioteket för att låna böcker. "Kalmar - Referens", "Kalmar - Referens", "Kalmar - Referens". Jag var lagom road. Därefter tillbringade jag nästa 10 minuter med att fjärrlåna böcker från Växjö eftersom jag älskar (akta dig för sarkasmen, den fräter) att sitta på Kalmars universitetsbibliotek.
(Anledningen till att jag poängterar att det heter universitetsbibliotek är för att Kalmar var så jävla kåta på att bli universitetsklassade att de offrade kvaliteten på sina utbildningar endast för en titel. Nu har de sin titel. Och alla utlåningsbara böcker finns i Växjö.)
Resultat: lånade tre böcker, fjärrlånade fyra och reserverade en sista. Jag ska plugga i påsk, vad ska du göra?

Och nej, det var inte jag som köpte en bowler hat i hattbutiken i Kalmar som just nu har utförsäljning på hela sitt sortiment. Skulle jag?
Jag har för övrigt ett jättehuvud.

Kan inte sova II

Bah, fuck it, dags att ta sig till gymmet.

Snökaos

Jag har skottat snö i nästan 1,5 timme. Jag väntar mig att isbjörnar, mammutar och ullhåriga noshörningar kommer kutande vilken sekund som helst. Det är mellan 20-100 cm snö överallt på det här stället. Helvete.
I alla fall.
Gården är insnöad. Jag kan alltså inte ta mig någonstans alls utan fyrhjulsdrift. Min bil har inte något som ens skulle kunna liknas vid goda vinterkörningsegenskaper så... nej.
Vilket är ännu mer irriterande när jag får galet gulliga sms från Sjöbjörnen och när söta Sandra var på plats i Kalmar från i torsdags då jag åkte Hem tills idag.

Men igår lyckades jag ändå ta mig till Borås och pierca mig. Symmetri var ledordet. Jag hade dock glömt hur satan-helvete-hej ont det gjorde så jag skrämde halvt ihjäl lite boråsare efteråt när jag post-piercing skrek av mig det värsta utanför studion. Det kan de ha.
Fantastiskt vackert blev det i vilket fall.

Nu blir det snart fika á la landsbygd och sen ett par härliga timmar med en varulvsroman ackompanjerat med en balja té.