Double standards

I can't wear my septum piercing visible at work, or rather, I refuse to because of the comments I've recieved when I do. I have a variety of collegues with different very distinct appearances. Among them I have two male collegues who stand out from the rest; one has a huge, well-groomed beard and tattoos covering most of his right arm and the other has a snakebite piercing. There are occasional comments on the tattoos, some admiration for the beard and (surprisingly) next to no comments at all about the snakebite piercing. My green hair on the other hand... countless, every day, every hour (99.99% positive). When I wore my septum jewellery our customers would look less at my face, they would make weird discreetly offensive jokes, ask why I would do that to myself, talk about how hideous facial piercings are and so on ad nauseum (I even noticed how som customers would choose to decline my help in favour of one of my collegues or choose another checkout than mine if they could).
So naturally, I found myself asking why that was and then it hit me; I'm a woman. I am still seen as public property. It's seen as completely acceptable to comment on my looks at any time (hint: it's not). I also work in a shop. Which only works to exacerbate the situation. I'm supposed to be this comely and appeasing creature and while the green hair can be considered cute and quirky, the septum piercing is still considered improper to most. Put them together and all I am is a rebellious, untoward girl who've lost her way and need to be told so.

Sorting things out

So I'm in the middle of moving.
Yeah. It's official. I'm actually moving out.
At the beginning of next month I'm off from the Corridor and on to the Collective. 

I'm sorting my life into labelled boxes and I'm not entirely certain what these boxes say about me. Most of them just say "Books" right now. Little by little the room I've spent the last 2,5 years of my life in is emptying. Hopefully, I'll like things a lot better at the Collective. You know, with people I've made an active choice to live with and weren't just stuck with.
Yaaay, go me!

50 000

So, it would seem I passed 50 000 pageviews (since July 2010) last night.
Congratulations to me and many thank-you's to you.

The Great Book Sale

In Sweden we have a huge annual book sale every end of February in which all bookshops participate. It was and still remains a sort of sales trick, a stunt as to temporarily up people's interest in buying books. To encourage reading too, yeah sure, but mainly to get people to buy books.
I LOVE IT.
I'm a book nerd above all other ways of being a nerd and as a book nerd I look forward to that time of year. Every year's the same. This past autumn I reached a point where I bought too many books to suit my somewhat shaky economy. So I promised myself I wouldn't buy any books before The Book Sale, a promise I kept and now here I am with ten new books to cram into my already overflowing bookshelves. Not all of them were on sale but seeing as I was already set to buy books I made sure to also buy a few recommended pieces.
Again, I need to promise myself not to buy any books for a while.
Next year perhaps.

"I've got a new tattoo" etc and so on...

A tattoo of the Doctor's TARDIS on the thigh? How mainsteam can you get, right? Oh well. After five hours it looks gorgeous. Next time we'll get some blue, white and slime green (yes, it's really called "slime green") in there. And it's going to be pretty as all hell when it's done.

Well, this feels weird

I kind of feel like I just did a dine and dash at the tattoo studio. I'm used to paying up front after each sitting but this time they'll send me an invoice. So here I am. And I'm having this strange feeling of guilt. Hence: dine and dash. Tattoo and dash.
Next sitting: April.

Wanna go on an adventure?

I have been spending the last half hour ugly crying watching production videos from the making of The Fellowship of the Ring and The Hobbit movies. Everything from the Hobbiton location sets me off.
(I need to have a LotR marathon pretty soon. C'mon nerds, join me.)
Running the risk of sounding massively ungrateful for the vacation to Dear Old Blighty I'm planning I've just realised that my dream vacation is Matamata, New Zeeland. If I ever went there though I'd spend the whole time crying and laughing and crying some more. I was twelve when I read the The Lord of the Rings trilogy, I was thirteen when the first film hit theatres. The original Trilogy introduced me to fantasy for real and has shaped my nerdiness in many ways since. Back then I wanted to be like Arwen (a starting point for my impossible struggle for that ethereal femininity elves possess and many following body issues I think) but the older I get the more I identify with hobbits. They appreciate the important stuff: good company, good food, good ale, good earth, good stories.
And they're content.
So screw elves, I'm a hobbit through and through. And I want to go to Hobbiton.

The Gamer Hutt?

This past October I had a sudden, but forceful, urge to play something other than Diablo 3 for a while and bought The Witcher, Spore and The Orange Box (Halo, Halo 2, Portal and Team Fortress 2).
On a whim.
As you do.
(They were on sale.)

I finished The Witcher pretty soon and though I was intrigued by the story the game itself is kind of... drawn-out to the point of excruciatingly boring. I found myself wanting to skip through most of it (all combat, most quests etc etc) to read more about characters and get further with the story. Just talk to NPC's about other NPC's more vital to Geralt's own story. (My interest is skewed by the fact that I've seen the Polish TV show Wiedzmin and I LOVED IT SO MUCH. 10/10 would recommend. Well, maybe 9/10 and the fact that it's on a very tight budget is evident in... everything.)
The end fight in The Witcher game was utterly and completely anticlimactic for me.
I was not a happy camper.

Understandably, I was hesitant to try anything else for a while as I was hungover from my Witcher experience. I went back to Diablo 3. And it's still boring as all hell unless you're in multiplayer mode. Yesterday I finally installed Spore. Played a little. It's totally brainless but in a fun, time-wasting way.
Today I installed The Orange Box. And tried Portal. The cake might be a lie but the hype sure wasn't.
I've never really called myself a gamer, but maybe it's high time to add an other nerdy title to my name.
Speaking of games; I've bought Carcassonne + an expansion (Bridges, Castles and Bazars). It's the best.

Happy S.A.D. 2015

I really loathe Valentine's Day. I loathe it with every single bone in my body - all 206 of them in fact. Even when I wasn't single I held no greater love for this commercial stunt meant to sell you even more shit you don't need to prove your supposed love for other human beings.

It puts unwanted pressure on everyone.

• Single people feel useless because they're not in a romantic relationship which is apparently something you should strive to be in order to be complete as a human being.
• People in relationships feel useless because they can never be romantic enough to fulfill some sort of unattainable picture of romance sold to you by media whose single goal is for you to consume and feel incomplete (rinse and repeat).

And lets not even mention money and alcohol. Because nothing says 'I love you' like alcoholic beverages, right? To get in the right mood, eh?! *cringe*

Shit like flowers, chocolate and cuddly toys are expensive, especially over Valentine's. So what are you supposed to do when you're short on money? I have so many questions. (Like, who'd actually want a bouquet of flowers? Flowers wither and die within days and I wouldn't want them to represent my love. Can I just have breakfast in bed instead? Not just on Valentine's but a little now and then? I love food. Food tastes good and gives energy, a much better representation of what love should be. I tend to feed my friends, loved ones and guests to prove how much I like them.)

It would seem I just can't wrap my head around Valentine's Day. I don't see why Valentine's would have to be different from any other day in a romantic relationship - love is something that should be ever present, should it not? And don't say that I can't understand it simply because I'm single (because that's only part true!).

• If you need alcohol to be romantic with your partner/s - get new partner/s.
• If you need your partner/s to buy you expensive shit for a fake holiday - seems like high time get your relationship goals checked.

But hey, don't mind me. I'm just a regular old cynic.

Balls of steel

I'm a bit of a klutz. I lose things all the time and in the past month I've lost three threaded balls for my piercing jewellery. Just poof, gone. This is exactly the kind of event I'd call a SMEF - Severe Mass Existence Failure. Left socks does this a lot. And pencils. And bobby pins. They just go missing into thin air.

This resulted in me getting myself a small bag-full of new 3 mm steel balls (rather than the standard 4mm) and I've got to say it looks better, even though I might be the only person who'd notice it. They might also go missing much faster but that is yet to be seen. Anyway.

Bonus! Story time! I've worked at the same shop for some 2½ years now and people are just starting to recognise me out of my uniform (the green hair really made it easier). One of our regulars saw me at the local grocery store this fall and since I wasn't at work I was wearing my septum jewellery. Ever since then he's mentioned my septum piercing every single time he's been at the shop. "I'm so relieved that you're not wearing that nose thing" or "How's the nose" or "Those nose things are just hideous". And every time I just try to avoid the subject or explain that I only wear my jewellery when I'm not at work. But he keeps mentioning it and it got me wondering what he really expects me to say? "Oh yes sir, you're right! I'll go take it out right now if it pleases you, sir!" Ugh. I just want to tell him to get the fuck out of what I do to my body in my spare time and what kind of jewellery I wear does not concern him in the least (since how I look does not in any way affect my work skills, which should be the only thing that matters). His opinions on my looks are genuinly unwanted and really sexist - like I'd give a shit about his assessment of how fuckable I am. Now I'm all worked up about this.

The Hutt (kind of) recommends: Reviver

Reviver by Seth Patrick.

Don't get the title wrong here, I really liked this book. I appreciated the characters, and the story (though sometimes on the slow side) captured my interest. To be honest, it had me nervously looking over my shoulder for strange apparitions after the first chapter.
But there was one thing that really stuck with me: the crying.

Forensic reviver Jonah Miller cries all the time. Because he's sad about losing his mother. Sad about people leaving him. Sad about being alone. Sad about the fact that doing the only thing he ever felt good at, reviving, is bringing him nothing but heartache (and as it happens, headache). Thus he acts like a normal human being; he drinks a bit of alcohol, hugs his cat and lets the tears run wild. Why will this stick with me? Because I rarely get to read about it (or see it in movies). There's a widespread societal norm saying that men don't cry and personally I hate it. Tears might be hinted at (it pissed me right the fuck off in The Blade Itself - did he cry OR WAS IT THE RAIN ALL ALONG, WE WILL NEVER KNOW) or they might have the less stereotypically 'manly' character break down (see Rocky Raccoon in Guardian of the Galaxy, guiding word is 'raccoon' here) but to have these emotions dealt with in a natural way is rare. And it just struck me how sad it is that I react to it so strongly and find it refreshing.

Lets get on with the book itself:
Reviving is about bringing back the essence of a recently deceased person for a short period of time and talking to them for a score of different reasons; for the idea of closure for close family, to catch a murderer or whatever other reason there may be. Only a few people can do this and even fewer do it well. Jonah is one of those people. So when the author that introduced reviving and its vast possibilities to the world is murdered, Jonah sees his opportunity to give back to the person that gave him his career. What he doesn't expect is the impact of the information said author discloses.

On the other hand I'll have to admit that by the middle of the book you can see exactly where things are going and why. It's a classic tale where noone can claim innocence. The book's neither amazing nor groundbreaking but it's good.
And then there's the crying.

The Hutt recommends: Chicks Dig Comics

THIS.

"Chicks Dig Comics - a Celebration of Comic Books by the Women Who Love Them"
edited by Lynne M.Thomas, Sigrid Ellis

In these times of GamerGate, the Fake Geek Girl meme, and everything else the male dominated nerd community can come up with to scare women out of even trying to get into comic books and other nerdiness, this was a rather uplifting read. A group of nerdy women that really MADE IT in the comic book and graphic novel business share their stories of growing up to become nerds. Their stories point in the direction that becoming a nerd seem to be getting easier but diversity and representation remain a HUGE issue within the comic book world, or rather, the lack of it is rather distressing. Representation is one of the issues often mentioned throughout the book and the comic books the writers grew up with are problematised and brought forth as something that used to be but need to change apace with the changing audience.

A good read.

On a related subject - look what I've got in the mail! Look at the pretty! It's available for free online but I really want to support this artist on so many levels. The art is breathtaking, the characters lovable. and the story is altogether engaging.

"Sunstone" by Stjepan Sejic

What I've just finished:

Or rather:

Slightly upset.

"The Blade Itself" by Joe Abercrombie

HOLY COW BATMAN. A grand collection of highly interesting characters but none of them female (two women in total through the book given any sort of attention, one could have been substituted by a lamp and the other... well, she's not been along for long enough yet to make much of a mark) but aside from that a very good story. Had me glued to the pages. I'll get back to you when I've finished the whole trilogy as The Blade Itself is only the first part.

Happy New 2015

My first post of the year will begin with a huge WHOOP of joy because I'm recieving my very own copy of the first issue of Sunstone by Stjepan Sejic some time next week. Aaaand I might have pre-ordered the second issue.

Also, fuck 2014.
I had a few good things happening to me but that's on a purely individual level. Sweden has during 2014 become one snake's nest of normalisation of racism and fascism on a state level. Some 13% of the voters in last year's election found it to be a good idea to put the Swedish Democrats in a position of power - these are the fuckers who more or less publically condone violence against Muslims and leftist activists.
2014 also saw more than a little police brutality against peaceful demonstrations.

The few good things about last year was flying off to Mallorca and getting a bit of the old sun and alcohol, dying my hair green, and working on my tattoo. I met some awesome people I'd like to see more of. I finally realised how much I like being on vacation. How much I love the political side of LGBTQ pride festivals.
I finished Stephen King's Dark Tower series and loved the everloving fuck out of it. Neil Gaiman is awesome, and despite his occasional misogyny Robert A. Heinlein has really caught my interest.

I don't want 2015 to be worse than 2014. That's it. I'll try and work on that. I didn't make any resolutions for 2014 and just as well I didn't. I will not do that for 2015 either.
I might keep working on my nerdiness.
I might want more hugging out of 2015.
I might also have started planning a little trip to Dear Old Blighty. Lets start there.

Suddenly: Dresses

I finally snapped a picture of my new 14th century medieval dress set. The green dress is a fitted gown, laced at the front and with buttoned sleeves, that is supposed to add the kind of bust support that makes sure you don't need modern underwear (I will add a picture of the fitted dress on its own later). My mistake was to lose weight after I made the dress so now it's not as supportive as it was before. Now I need to make some supportive medieval style underwear. Like this. The yellow surcôte is a project I also just finished by adding 'pockets' (slits in the fabrics for easier access to pouches hanging from the belt underneath) and embroidery. The surcôte is a bit short for the period when the longer the garment the better off you were money-wise. But I love this set. So comfortable.

FIVE YEARS

I just realised that I've kept this blog going for over five years now (it was five years in August, WOOHOO!). Feels weird to tell the truth.

I've gone from:

First week in the corridor in Belfast.

To:

This week in the corridor in Gothenburg.

...and I'm not sure how to handle that. Because I don't feel like much has happened. For crying out loud, I'm still living in a corridor full of students who can't clean up after themselves! Yes, it's in a different country and I have a steady job now but it's still a corridor.

I'd like to say that I've strayed deeper into Nerd Territory, which I have, but as for personal development - I don't know. Am I a better nerd today? Hell yeah! A better person? Doubtful. I still can't keep deadlines to save my life. Sad, but true.

It's pretty much exactly five years ago I was in any sort of relationship too. I don't live to get involved in a relationship but it'd be nice. A bonus, you know. Sad, but true.