Femme Freak

   What up nerds?
   How's everyone doing? How have you been? I've been... tired.
  I've had a low period creativity-wise and it's showed its ugly face through me not being able to make myself heard through text like I have in the past.

   I still have opinions, and plenty of them obviously, but I don't feel like I gain anything from writing them down anymore. In the past, I've written things down here for mostly myself - the fact that a few (very few) people actually read them is a significant bonus. I'll admit that Goodreads has become a bit of a substitute for this blog and rightfully so seeing as I've been reading so much more in the last two years, but it also pains me to see this platform being left desolate after having meant so much to me for such a long time.
   Writing's always been my number one coping mechanism.
   Nerd as I am, I still keep a journal though: it's a great way of sorting through difficult thoughts and as I'm also a nervous wreck at the best of times that's been super useful throughout. Writing is also a great way of sorting through ideas and impressions which is why I've been using this platform and also why it's lost its appeal steadily the more I use Goodreads.

   Life is tough. Things changes.
   Change is good though.
   It has to be.
   I hope it is.

   As an endnote I'd like to mention why I thought of this at all, and I need all of you to tune in to Feminist Frequency Radio for me. They're everything I ever wanted to be in life: feminist killjoys coming for your beloved media - especially if you're a white cis dude with leanings toward misogyny and racism. It feels good to the core of my nerdy heart to listen to these women talk about media that I too have a close relationship to. To hear them echo the same thoughts I have about certain nerd media is revitalising and encouraging as fuck.
   It's good.
   Nice to know that I'm not the only one.

Adorkable misogyny

THIS.
WHY PEOPLE NO SEE WHY CREEPY NERD STILL BE CREEPY.

ME FOREVER MAD.

   This video is by the same people who did the equally enlightening Born Sexy Yesterday video that I also recommend you watch.

The Hutt Recommends: the Caves of Steel

The Caves of Steel by Isaac Asimov
The first of the Robot novels (of which I, Robot is number 0.1).

Simply put, it's a murder mystery set a few thousand years in the future.
   A more roundabout way of describing it would be to say that humans have colonised space and created artificial intelligence. On Earth this means everything from overpopulation, ever imminent starvation and extreme pollution to robots obviously robotic-looking taking over simpler duties in workplaces. Discord is growing. In Spacer colonies it means bureaucracy is king and empathy is dead - humans with any gene defect are euthanised as to avoid the troubles so rampant on Earth - and advanced humanoid robots are the latest secret project.
   Then: murder.
   A Spacer is murdered on Earth and Detective Elijah Baley is called to the scene to solve the murder before the partner he's forced to take on does. I present to you: humanoid robot R. Daneel Olivaw, the latest of Spacer technology. In fact, so recently out of production that nearly no one knows he's a robot (indicated by the 'R' before his name which Baley conveniently leaves out whenever introducing him to anyone seeing as no one likes/trusts robots).
   They set forth on a journey together not only solving the case but also a much deeper political plot.

   This is classic scifi at its best! We're presented to big questions on existence, the fear of tomorrow, what it means to be human, and what makes a good society. It's philosophical and deep yet easy to take in without getting lost along the way or sacrificing the plot only to present some strange view on the human condition.
   Caves of Steel is also obviously a child of its time and being first published in 1954 means that I had a hard time finding any female characters, even more of a hard time finding women with any sort of agency. There's Baley's wife, but she's not of much use to the story. After that the list of female characters abruptly ends and yes, of course that sad fact makes me grumble but I have to admit to preferring this kind of representation in classic scifi (which is barely any at all) instead of the kind I've found to be rampant in a lot of Heinlein's scifi where women are either vapid and useless or manipulative whores (Door into Summer (publ. 1957) and Time Enough For Love (publ. 1973), being the worst of what I've read so far, jeez... I couldn't even finish Time Enough it was so bad). Then on the other hand, I expect so much more out of anything written after the 1980's (thank the gods for Carl Sagan) than I do out of what came before (e.g. the Robot novels). I desperately need people of my generation to be better than their predecessors and write better (ie MORE INCLUSIVE) fiction but that does not mean that I'll excuse bad representation in classic scifi.

Double standards

I can't wear my septum piercing visible at work, or rather, I refuse to because of the comments I've recieved when I do. I have a variety of collegues with different very distinct appearances. Among them I have two male collegues who stand out from the rest; one has a huge, well-groomed beard and tattoos covering most of his right arm and the other has a snakebite piercing. There are occasional comments on the tattoos, some admiration for the beard and (surprisingly) next to no comments at all about the snakebite piercing. My green hair on the other hand... countless, every day, every hour (99.99% positive). When I wore my septum jewellery our customers would look less at my face, they would make weird discreetly offensive jokes, ask why I would do that to myself, talk about how hideous facial piercings are and so on ad nauseum (I even noticed how som customers would choose to decline my help in favour of one of my collegues or choose another checkout than mine if they could).
So naturally, I found myself asking why that was and then it hit me; I'm a woman. I am still seen as public property. It's seen as completely acceptable to comment on my looks at any time (hint: it's not). I also work in a shop. Which only works to exacerbate the situation. I'm supposed to be this comely and appeasing creature and while the green hair can be considered cute and quirky, the septum piercing is still considered improper to most. Put them together and all I am is a rebellious, untoward girl who've lost her way and need to be told so.

Balls of steel

I'm a bit of a klutz. I lose things all the time and in the past month I've lost three threaded balls for my piercing jewellery. Just poof, gone. This is exactly the kind of event I'd call a SMEF - Severe Mass Existence Failure. Left socks does this a lot. And pencils. And bobby pins. They just go missing into thin air.

This resulted in me getting myself a small bag-full of new 3 mm steel balls (rather than the standard 4mm) and I've got to say it looks better, even though I might be the only person who'd notice it. They might also go missing much faster but that is yet to be seen. Anyway.

Bonus! Story time! I've worked at the same shop for some 2½ years now and people are just starting to recognise me out of my uniform (the green hair really made it easier). One of our regulars saw me at the local grocery store this fall and since I wasn't at work I was wearing my septum jewellery. Ever since then he's mentioned my septum piercing every single time he's been at the shop. "I'm so relieved that you're not wearing that nose thing" or "How's the nose" or "Those nose things are just hideous". And every time I just try to avoid the subject or explain that I only wear my jewellery when I'm not at work. But he keeps mentioning it and it got me wondering what he really expects me to say? "Oh yes sir, you're right! I'll go take it out right now if it pleases you, sir!" Ugh. I just want to tell him to get the fuck out of what I do to my body in my spare time and what kind of jewellery I wear does not concern him in the least (since how I look does not in any way affect my work skills, which should be the only thing that matters). His opinions on my looks are genuinly unwanted and really sexist - like I'd give a shit about his assessment of how fuckable I am. Now I'm all worked up about this.

The Hutt recommends: Chicks Dig Comics

THIS.

"Chicks Dig Comics - a Celebration of Comic Books by the Women Who Love Them"
edited by Lynne M.Thomas, Sigrid Ellis

In these times of GamerGate, the Fake Geek Girl meme, and everything else the male dominated nerd community can come up with to scare women out of even trying to get into comic books and other nerdiness, this was a rather uplifting read. A group of nerdy women that really MADE IT in the comic book and graphic novel business share their stories of growing up to become nerds. Their stories point in the direction that becoming a nerd seem to be getting easier but diversity and representation remain a HUGE issue within the comic book world, or rather, the lack of it is rather distressing. Representation is one of the issues often mentioned throughout the book and the comic books the writers grew up with are problematised and brought forth as something that used to be but need to change apace with the changing audience.

A good read.

On a related subject - look what I've got in the mail! Look at the pretty! It's available for free online but I really want to support this artist on so many levels. The art is breathtaking, the characters lovable. and the story is altogether engaging.

"Sunstone" by Stjepan Sejic

What I've just finished:

Or rather:

Slightly upset.

"The Blade Itself" by Joe Abercrombie

HOLY COW BATMAN. A grand collection of highly interesting characters but none of them female (two women in total through the book given any sort of attention, one could have been substituted by a lamp and the other... well, she's not been along for long enough yet to make much of a mark) but aside from that a very good story. Had me glued to the pages. I'll get back to you when I've finished the whole trilogy as The Blade Itself is only the first part.

Angel is disturbing

I'm doing a rewatch of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the brand new reactions I'm having so far are disturbing considering how much I used to appreciate the show. If you're wondering - Yes, overanalyzing has become a thing for me.
I'm halfway through season three now and Buffy is really being punished for everything she does! For instance...

• Buffy sleeps with Angel for the first time - he turns into a monster, ridicules her and tries to kill her.
• Buffy dresses a certain way - she gets called a slut and is told by teachers and the principal it's her fault when she's sexually assaulted by some dudebro on the swim team.
• She feels powerless about her situation (you know the one where she's the Slayer who was destined to die at 16 to save everyone on the planet...) - she gets screamed at and told she's oversensitive and should just suck it up.
• She runs away because she wants to protect her friends and needs time to process killing Angel - she gets screamed at and told she's stupid as she returns to Sunnydale. Noone asks her how she's been, how she feels or what happened to make her leave.
• When Angel comes back and Buffy hides him - they actually ask her what right she has to love him. Again with the yelling at her.
• Buffy's mum! Holy hell, all the times that she talks about wanting a "normal dauther" instead of a Slayer... Sometimes, it's an excellent metaphor for a child coming out as LGBT to their parents but after a while it gets old. Old as balls.

This coming from the people that are supposed to be her friends and family. Her Scooby Gang. They are being dicks to her. No wonder she doesn't want to share her thoughts with them. Though I have to say, for being a 16-year-old she's taking it pretty well.
Also, Buffy is 15 the first time Angel sees her and falls in love with her instantly. He's 270! AND he follows her around everywhere she goes. Creepy much? (Come to think of it, it's not much better than Twilight when you read it like this, is it?)
Another problem with Buffy is something most tv shows suffer from; all main characters are white and if there are any non-white characters they're most probably antagonists or small side characters and gets killed off quickly.

The only character that I fully and completely adore is Oz. Galloping gargoyles, again with me falling for the werewolf. Tss.